Why miles apart cannot tame the young heart

I’ve been in a long distance relationship for around a year and a half now, and it could not be any more different than I expected. My boyfriend and I started dating right before he left for college and there were worries, on both sides, that the distance would only hurt us.

Today, we have found that our worries could not be any further from the truth. While a couple miles of separation—or, for us, a couple hundred miles—can take its toll at times, I’m here to tell you that distance can benefit a relationship. It’s an opportunity to grow both individually and as a couple, and I know I’ve learned a few things along the way.

First, planning and time management have suddenly become very, very important. Trying to plan weekend visits around each other’s schedules and public transportation can be a nightmare. After having to sit down in front of a calendar and figure out exactly what we are doing for the next three months, we learned to make plans in advance.

Once we finally find a weekend that works for both of us, the fun part is seeing how many activities we can squeeze into one day. After all, when you’re apart for a month at a time and reunite for a day the goal becomes, “Let’s make up for all of our missed dates!” So, once again, I’ve learned to plan days down to the hour.

At eight a.m. we make omelets at his house. Nine a.m., he has to go get his hair cut. Ten a.m., we go to town for a coffee shop date. Unexpected detour: There’s a man whose car stalled out in the middle of the road; we stop to help. Eleven a.m.: we travel to the bookstore to pick out a book for both of us to read when we are apart. Noon is lunch at his place. I think you get the idea but that’s only half of our day; we have 10 hours to go until we have to part again! With such strict time restraints, I’ve really learned to cherish every second.

Distance also helps improve creativity. When we’re together, there can be times where we fall into a routine of going on the same dates. Coffee shop or ice cream dates, walk in the parks, etc. Since we’re hundreds of miles apart for the majority of the year, we really have to put our brains together to come up with date ideas.

My ability to think outside of the box has really expanded. For example, we came up with the idea to have a sort of book club. We pick the same book to read and we assign a certain number of pages to read each week. Every Sunday we sit down and make tea or hot cocoa and discuss our thoughts on the book. We also still try to have dinner dates every weekend across Skype. As a couple who enjoys board games, we found that Battleship has become the only game we can play over the phone. We’re still searching for another one that can be played over long-distance.

Cooperation becomes key. Yes, every relationship requires communication and understanding. However, when physical distance seems to be present more often than not, the relationship becomes more intellectual than anything else. Have you ever seen an engineer and an English major try to discuss their passions? Let me tell you, it requires a lot of understanding.

I have always loved reading and discussing literary theories and themes. Calculus and physics were never exactly my friend. So when I try to understand the excitement behind the integrals my boyfriend solves, my mind just tells me to smile and nod. I’m sure it must be the same way for him, though ,when I try to explain the importance of classical literature for modern society. But the distance has encouraged me to listen to his passions and understand where his logical arguments are coming from. In the long run, I know that our heightened sense of communication and understanding, because of this distance, will help us work through any issues that may arise in the future.

I know distance can seem scary. Even though I recognize that it can be difficult at times, the strengths gained as an individual, and as a couple, are worth it. It’s been a journey to try to plan everything from afar as we learn to grow together, but distance should not be a deterrent. If anything, I see it as an opportunity to learn my own strengths and weaknesses while improving alongside my partner.