One of the cardinal rules of love is don’t text your ex.
Better yet, don’t even keep up with your ex’s exploits. Why? Picture this: It’s been a little over two years since you and your ex went separate ways. Since then, your love life has been in the dumps. You claim that you’re “working on yourself” but in reality you’ve been on the market, it’s just that you’ve struck out on love more times than Ryan Howard at the plate.
You know that they’ve been dating someone new for a few months and you heard that things are going well. But when their Instagram feed loads, you simply cannot believe your eyes. Wait, their new significant other looks like that? For the rest of the night, you lay awake thinking about your ex’s success.
They’re a number one seed in the NCAA Tournament, they’re in the Sweet 16 and their chances to win a national championship are as good as anyone’s.
Phil Martelli is St. Joe’s ex. During his time on Hawk Hill, he was an assistant coach for 10 seasons before he was hired as head coach, a role he served for 24 seasons. As Head Coach Martelli compiled 444 wins, led St. Joe’s to nine seasons with 20 or more wins and has the second most Atlantic 10 (A-10) wins of any coach in the league’s history.
In March 2019, after consecutive subpar seasons, Martelli was fired after Director of Athletics Jill Bodensteiner, J.D., decided that a change in leadership was necessary. The move devastated Martelli and admittedly left him with his heart “cut out.”
Martelli is now the associate head coach at the University of Michigan. He was hired to the Wolverines’ coaching staff in June 2019 by newly appointed Head Coach Juwan Howard, a former player and first-time college coach. Howard wanted an assistant coach with plenty of experience to help his coaching transition to college basketball. Martelli fit that mold.
In Martelli’s second season and first full season on the Michigan bench in 2020-21, the Wolverines won the Big Ten Conference men’s basketball regular season championship and earned a No. 1 seed in the NCAA Division I Men’s Basketball Tournament for the first time since 1993. After Howard was ejected in the second half of a game against the University of Maryland Terrapins earlier in March, Martelli took over head coaching duties and led Michigan to a 13 point victory. It was the first time that he patrolled the sidelines as a head coach since his last game at St. Joe’s in the 2019 A-10 Tournament.
On Hawk Hill, the story has been quite different. The Hawks have gone 11-41 over the last two seasons. Part of the program’s struggles can be attributed to the roster turnover after Martelli’s firing.
Guard Lamarr Kimble transferred to the University of Louisville, guard Jared Bynum transferred to Providence College and forward Charlie Brown Jr. entered the NBA Draft. Recruits that Martelli planned to bring in, like Hakim Hart, who had committed to St. Joe’s under Martelli, and 2021 A-10 Player of the Year Nah’shon “Bones” Hyland, who allegedly planned to commit to St. Joe’s had Martelli not been fired, decided to attend the University of Maryland and Virginia Commonwealth University, respectively, instead of St. Joe’s.
Hawks fans grew impatient with the team’s lack of achievement during Martelli’s final seasons. They longed for the success that consistently put them near the top of A-10 standings and made them a force in the Big 5. Now, coming off the two worst seasons in St. Joe’s men’s basketball history per the teams’ winning percentage, the St. Joe’s faithful long for the nostalgia of the Martelli era. Even with the knowledge that a program rebuild under Head Coach Billy Lange would take several years, they’ve grown increasingly restless with each passing loss, while Martelli enjoys the heights of college basketball success at Michigan.
That’s why it’s important that St. Joe’s fans remember another cardinal rule of love and apply it to their current frustrations: don’t compare relationships. You’re going to be in a lot of relationships during your life. Odds are, the people you’ll be in relationships with are going to be a lot different from each other. With some, you might click right away. With others, the connection may happen more gradually. Whatever stage of a relationship you’re at, it’s important that you embrace where you are with your person. You never know how close you might be to finding love.
Root for your ex, cheer for your ex, it’s OK to even miss your ex, just don’t text your ex. Don’t be jealous of them either. I know it’s hard. But, I promise you this: when you find love again, it’s going to make the struggle of letting go a whole lot sweeter.
