We’ve all heard it or seen the saying before: “Everything happens for a reason.” Whether it be said by a friend or read in a book, I find myself remarkably troubled when I hear this statement after diving deeper into what it truly means.

This year, I have challenged myself to seek empathy and to “feel with” others in more than just surface level interactions and comments. I have found great friendships and radical love within my community and those around me. 

I love when I can truly be with them and peel back my preconceived notions from a situation and look past what I might have thought caused or impacted an event, or how someone feels. 

This is one of several rooted reasons why I strongly dislike when people use “everything happens for a reason” as a reply to a situation or feeling.

Learning to empathize with and validate my own feelings, as well as those of others, is a core belief that I find gives leverage to understanding and being with others in times of uncertainty. 

Saying to someone that there is a “reason” for a particular event or emotion not only brushes past the validation, but doesn’t allow for the feeling to be felt.

As someone who used to keep my emotions bottled up, hearing someone say there is a reason for X, Y or Z to happen not only allowed me to redirect my thoughts to associating a particular, sometimes made up, reason for that feeling, but it also sealed the bottle of emotions, making it difficult for that feeling to be felt, heard or shared.

While cause and effect can play into the scenario, if you take that out of the picture, and try to provide a reason for someone who is experiencing racism, discrimination, injustice, assault, harassment or a multitude of other life-altering or emotionally taxing events, that would invalidate their feelings.

When we can begin to feel with others, we lean into our humanity and can then take action as a friend in being there for others in all their challenges and joys.

So, Hawks, I challenge you all to set the world on fire with flames of empathy—not just crediting a reason for a feeling, but choosing to care with and for people and then use our voices and knowledge to take formidable actions to make a positive impact on others.