I began my undergraduate career at Providence College in Rhode Island, six hours away from home, at the height of the covid-19 pandemic in 2020. Living by myself in a single dorm room, I found myself growing increasingly lonely and mentally beat down as the lockdown (which started on my birthday) dragged on during my first semester. In an effort for happiness, I turned to animals. Well, specifically fish, because that’s all dorms allow. Losing three betta fish in a span of two months, though, did not help my mental state.

During Spring Break that year, mentally recuperating and at peace at home, I decided to get a hamster. Gunther entered my life March 23, 2021. From then on, he was my comfort. Gunther traveled back and forth from Barrington, New Jersey, to Providence, Rhode Island, at least four times (~290 miles each way), was smuggled into several hotels and dorms and enjoyed a getaway at the shore.When I transferred to St. Joe’s halfway through my sophomore year, he  was by my side every step of the way. He was with me during the lowest point of my life and then the brightest, becoming a small companion I never expected to get so much joy from. His favorite snacks were brussels sprouts and grapes, and he loved running around in his ball, and especially, making friends with the ladies. 

Unfortunately, a hamster’s average life span is only two years, and last month, I could see my little friend slowing down. On March 21, Gunther passed away peacefully in his sleep, curled up comfortably in his burrow. While I have experienced many occasions of grief and trauma in my life, I cried to my mama that this was the hardest thing I had ever experienced. I never thought I would be so heartbroken over a “rodent,” but unironically, I had a trauma bond with my hamster, and his death brought back all the feelings I experienced during covid. 

I do not think I have allowed myself to fully grieve the things I lost during the pandemic, let alone acknowledge the mental health issues that stemmed from it. If it wasn’t for Gunther’s company during a very dark, lonely time in my life, I cannot imagine how worse things would have been. I will forever be grateful to have picked him on a whim, and to have had him by my side for the last two years.

So, what’s next? Do I do it again, get another hamster, and live that joy all over again, but only for two years? I don’t think it’s right to deprive ourselves of things that make us happy, so, yes, I am going to get another hamster. While I would do anything to cuddle Gunther one more time, his time with me was complete. He did his job and accompanied me until I was OK to move forward on my own. And now, I know he will be there to make sure my next hamster fills his shoes. While my time with Gunther was short, I need to remind myself to appreciate the time I had with him. Covid impacted each person in very different ways, and took away a lot of joy. Gunther gave me mine back.