I come from a long line of nicotine addicts.
We were a Marlboro family for a long time, but members of my family got nicotine in all forms: cigarettes, chewing tobacco, cigars and, now, vapes. My grandma once said, “My vape is my favorite thing in my life. Besides my family, I guess.”
Once, I was a kid with big dreams. I still remember the D.A.R.E. presentations and anti-smoking assemblies in school. I promised myself I would never smoke. My grandma smoked around me, and it always smelled terrible. But then, someone invented a way to get nicotine that smelled like blue raspberry and tasted like candy.
I’ve been vaping for three years. I started when my roommate let me try his vape. Then, I got my own. A pretty common story.
“Everything goes back to social pressure,” said Taylor Moran, M.A. ’25, assistant director of the Prevention Academy and leader of St. Joe’s Collegiate Recovery Program. “Wanting to fit in, not wanting to go against the grain of what others are doing.”
Moran noted the prevalence of nicotine on college campuses, where vaping, like alcohol, often feels socially expected. When I spoke to other college-aged adults who vape, I heard the same thing.
“I didn’t vape all throughout high school, and then before I got to college and I started meeting people, it’s just something I got introduced to,” said Zachary Serinsky, 21, of King of Prussia. “Then I occasionally did it, and then my roommate had one and then I got my own.”
Serinksy’s experience is common. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 15.5% of adults aged 21 to 24 report using electronic cigarettes.
Serinsky vaped for two years before recently quitting. At first, vaping felt temporary.
“When you’re in college, you try new things, and then once you get out of college, you quit,” Serinsky said. “But then I heard myself saying that too much, and I went home for Winter Break, and I was like, ‘You know what, I’m just gonna end this now.’”
That mindset resonated. I used to vape only around friends. Then it became constant.
The ease of access is what separates vapes from cigarettes: You can do it inside, it doesn’t smell and it fits in your pocket. Slowly, vaping became a fixture in my life. If I went too long without it, I got antsy and had to step away.
“When I started, [I’d get] home from class and be like, ‘Let me rip this real quick,’ get a nice little buzz and then go on with my day,” Serinsky said. “But once I became fully addicted to it, it was more like I needed it to have a day and less like something that enhanced my day.”
For most people, there’s that eye-opening moment: Vaping is no longer a stress relief. It’s the stressor.
“I definitely realized it two or three months into me having it,” said Noah Hilliard, 24, of Norfolk, Virginia. “I’d been using it every single day, almost hourly. I remember an instance where I had gone to the beach, and I forgot to bring my vape with me. The first inclination I had that something was wrong was the fact I kept reaching for my right pocket, and it was because I kept my vape in my right pocket all the time. I would notice, too, I would get really antsy, and I wouldn’t really find myself being interested in conversations. There was a certain anxiety proceeding over everything.”
Hilliard has been using nicotine products for three years. He’s tried to quit before but said stress always pulled him back in.
While I can’t pinpoint the moment I realized I was addicted, I know I am. So, in mid-April, I decided to quit.
Day 1 felt strange. The craving wasn’t unbearable, but the absence was glaring. For three years, the first thing I did every morning was hit my vape. This time, I utilized coping skills, like chewing gum and drinking water.
Eileen Bevilacqua, RN, director of the Student Health Center, recommends NRT, or nicotine replacement therapy, which delivers nicotine without the harmful chemicals in tobacco and vapes. Research shows NRT can nearly double your chances of quitting, according to Bevilacqua.
The Student Health Center carries free samples of NRT gum and will assist students in building a plan to quit. I didn’t use these resources, though I should have.
Days 2 and 3 were harder. I was tired, my throat hurt and I was furious at everything. Every minor inconvenience felt like a personal attack. My brain was foggy, my body uncomfortable and I kept reaching for something that wasn’t there.
“When you’re addicted to something, your brain will always be wired to think that using that substance is the answer to all of your problems,” Moran said. “So, when you’re experiencing withdrawal, your mind will see that as a reason to justify use, to help with the discomfort.”
Days 4 through 6 were an emotional blur. Physically, I felt better, no more nausea or sore throat, but emotionally, I was on edge. One minute I was fine, and the next, I was crying. I’m an emotional person, but I sobbed to “Inside Out 2” like it was “Schindler’s List.” My body was missing dopamine, and everything felt hollow.
Day 7 was still emotional, but the fog had cleared. A week isn’t long enough to kick an addiction, but after three years of constant vaping, seven days felt like a small miracle.
For many students, it’s hard to ask for help. It can be hard to be open about addiction due to fear of judgment from peers or family. But support can be the difference between success and continuing the status quo. It’s possible to quit alone, but it’s harder.
“Addiction is a disease,” Moran said. “While it is preventable, there are so many factors that contribute to someone developing an addiction. I think people are quick to judge and write things off that they don’t fully understand.”
I’ll still sometimes catch myself fidgeting or putting my hand near my mouth like I’m vaping, but four months later, I still haven’t. Addiction doesn’t end after one week or four months. Honestly, I don’t think it ever ends.
Every time I pass a vape shop, which is quite often considering there’s about three on every block in Philly, I still think about going in and buying one. Every time I see someone hit their vape, I think about asking for a hit. But I don’t.
Members of the St. Joe’s community seeking support are encouraged to contact the following resources:
Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS), 610-660-1090
Campus Ministry, 610-660-1030
The Office of Student Outreach & Support, 610-660-1149
The Jesuit community, 610-660-1400
Employee Assistance Program, 866-799-2728
