A satire on vaccination
During this time of year, the conversation surrounding vaccination always seems to resurge. In recent years, the anti-vax movement has increased public debate about the efficacy of vaccination, despite the fact that all scientific evidence directly contradicts their positions. West Philly resident and professional slacktivist George Jones sat down with reporters this week to discuss his opinions on vaccination.
“Look, I think we all mostly agree that the anti-vaccination movement is bad,” Jones explained. “Vaccines don’t cause autism. They do prevent a number of horrible diseases. And for people who cannot receive vaccines for any medical reason, the herd immunity of an entire society being properly vaccinated is incredibly beneficial. That’s why all of my vaccines are up to date—HPV, polio, measles, hepatitis A-Z. I am a huge supporter of vaccination.”
To prove his point, Jones shared with me both his immunization record and a series of memes that he had recently shared on Facebook. I can confirm that the memes were indeed as dank as he made them out to be.
“But like, a flu shot? I think I can skip that one,” Jones clarified. Yes that is right, despite his evidently well sourced opinions about vaccinations and the fact that his insurance will completely cover the cost of the flu shot, Jones still is unable to find the time to get to literally any of the dozens of local places offering flu shots.
“I guess it’s just a lot to plan. I mean, once a year I have to take fifteen whole minutes out of my day to walk to the nearest CVS, wait for someone to be available, and receive one single injection?” Jones explained, gesturing to the accessibly located pharmacy that can be seen through his living room window. “And not only that, but then the next year I have to do it all over again? I think that’s a little too much to ask.”
When pressed further with statistics about the thousands of people who die from the flu each year, and the fact that this year’s flu strain is particularly potent, Jones claimed to be aware of the danger, but not so much that he felt compelled to get a flu shot.
“It seems pretty unlikely that I’ll catch the flu, and it’s probably not as bad as other diseases I’m vaccinated for already. The flu is completely different from those things.”
Most reporters present for the interview were tempted to pass judgment on Jones, but none could, as they too had not yet received their own flu shots.
