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The Hawk News

The Student News Site of St. Joseph's University

The Hawk News

The Student News Site of St. Joseph's University

The Hawk News

Mourning the “White Monster”on campus

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Finding an on-campus alternative caffeine fix

Nothing has ever tested my will and disordered my soul more than when St. Joe’s switched from Coca-Cola to Pepsi products.

I remember a much simpler, happier time: freshman year. My roommate and I lugging large steel water bottles into Campion Dining Hall and making a beeline to the back corner soda machine to drain the supply from the single faucet of Dr. Pepper on campus.

Or spending miserably long hours in the library with the only emancipation being the cathartic walk to the P.O.D. to use the last of my DB money to buy a bottled Dunkin’ iced coffee.

And yet, the fond memories I cherish are paired with the single greatest loss I have experienced to date: the unexpected eradication of the Monster Zero Ultra, known as the “White Monster” from refrigerators and vending machines across campus. This zero-calorie energy drink shaped who I am as a student.

The “White Monster” dared to go where no other caffeinated beverage could go, and did it all without tasting like battery acid and armpits.

I am still in mourning. It is my firm belief that the moment St. Joe’s switched beverage vendors, the integrity of the university spiraled into vacuity, and correspondingly, so did my sanity.

With my favorite caffeinated drink no longer within arm’s reach, I have spent the following years resorting to the coffee shop chains on campus for a beverage that could contend.

The campus Starbucks and Dunkin’ have a cult following among our student body. They appeal to familiarity and consistency—making them an easy choice for frantic, sleep deprived, deadline bound college students.

Though I frequent both regularly, of the two, Starbucks is the clear winner. Despite almost never being able to find an outlet or redeem reward points, the coffee is strong and the seasonal cups are adorable—which is enough to keep me coming back.

I have the utmost respect for anyone who dares to be a coffee provider within walking distance of a college campus.

However, where Dunkin’ loses me is in their inconsistency. The City Avenue Dunkin’ is home to some coffee horror stories.

I would venture to say that most people would like to be served their coffee in the cup. Yet, on two separate occasions during the momentous exchange of my prized liquid stimulant, my iced coffee violently escaped from the broken cup.

Thus, leaving my sleeves saturated and my hands tacky with flavor syrup. I would have chalked this up as a mistake, one faulty cup. But after telling my story to friends, several people mentioned that it has happened to them too. A coffeegate scandal might be brewing.

ILLUSTRATION: Kaitlyn Patterson ’20

Of all the chains however, Einstein’s is far superior.

College of Arts and Science students may not have much to brag about when compared to the nationally ranked Haub School of Business, but at least we can say we have a whole bagel shop just paces away from our classrooms.

I can’t even begin to estimate how many of my “bathroom” breaks ended with me returning to my lecture with a vanilla latte and chocolate chip bagel.

Einstein’s regular coffee is up to par with other chains, but I can attribute the completion of numerous assignments to their lattes. Though around the same price as a latte from Starbucks, it is arguably far better in taste. And sweeter too, if that’s as important to you as it is to me—I like my coffee to fundamentally taste like an entirely different drink.

Even sweeter, the people who work there are always friendly. So much so, I wasn’t even angry when instead of skim milk in my latte, I was handed a cup with 2 ounces of espresso and 14 ounces of half and half. A very heavy drink concoction, especially for 9 a.m. But my love for Einstein’s transcends one little mistake—I even drank some of it (However I caution you, do not order this).

My time at St. Joe’s is almost over and I have yet to order from the new Saxby’s. Still, I am not optimistic that anything, even vanilla lattes from Einstein’s, will ever truly have my heart like the “White Monster.”

Someday I hope this campus will be blessed with them again, but until then, you can find me at the off-campus Speedway gas station happily spending four dollars on one single Monster.

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