I remember the very first time I felt alone on St. Joe’s campus. It was early December of 2019, and I was approaching the end of my first semester of my first year. At the time, I was surrounded by a group of super cool, funny and kind people in my residence hall. But even amid such good folk, I felt stressed and overwhelmed by my coursework. 

I had experienced culture shock and the angst that came with first-year finals, and most alarmingly, I wasn’t taking care of my mental health. I didn’t know how to. I was drained, malnourished and still adding to the long list of extracurriculars I was a part of because I never felt like I was doing enough. 

As a first-generation student, I felt a disconnect with my parents, so I strayed away from talking to them about school because I didn’t want them to worry. Even worse, I felt like I didn’t belong or have a place on campus. 

Early in 2020, before the covid-19 pandemic and after a tabling event in Campion, I joined the Wellness Educators, a mental health and wellness advocacy group on campus. The educators offer tips about how to mediate stress and love your body. They also provide alcohol awareness programming, resources for survivors of trauma and student support, and overall education about wellness. 

As a member of this program and an advocate for student support and mental health awareness, I was both thrilled and appreciative to find that the Dean’s Leadership Program hosted an annual Out of the Darkness Walk (OOTD) each year.  

The first time I attended the walk was during the pandemic. It was virtual and very necessary, as so many of us were experiencing loneliness, stress and loss. Through this event, I felt a strong sense of community and support during an extremely challenging time in my life. 

This year’s event really hit home. On Nov. 15, over 200 students, faculty and alumni gathered on the track at Sweeney Field wearing their baby-blue OOTD t-shirts to walk in support of mental health and suicide awareness and advocacy. The walk also consisted of a seminar and discussion led by Abraham Scully, a representative of Active Minds, a non-profit organization that promotes open dialogue and mental health advocacy. 

This year, co-chairs and event coordinators, Lillian Bowdoitch ’23 and Lucy Curran ’22, hosted the annual OOTD walk on behalf of the Dean’s Leadership Program. Their team was tasked with advertising, collecting food and monetary donations and working together to represent the students and host a successful event. 

The event was abundantly heartwarming. Having the opportunity to see people face-to-face, enjoying their time together, bringing the spirit of the OOTD walk alive, and appreciating the present moment was all the more enriching. This year, I am proud to know that the program raised $5,253 to donate to Active Minds.

Towards the end of the event, as I sat under a heated lamp on Admissions Lawn, eating pizza and surrounded by the smiles and laughter of friends, I reflected on why I walk. 

I walk for my cousin, who we almost lost to suicide. I walk for my close friend, to let her know that I love and care about her and that she is not alone. And I walk for myself so that I am reminded to take care of myself, love myself and not be consumed by my stress or sadness. 

Why do you walk?