Dating in college is hard. Dating in general is hard. Especially when you add dating apps into the mix, which makes it so much worse. It doesn’t matter how perfect or how original you try to be, because we play each other everyday mentally. And, I don’t know how many times I’ve heard someone say, “You don’t need to settle right now, you’re young! Just date around!” as if it’s the easiest thing to do. Dates are a delicacy in the 21st century for people in college. 

Something I’ve struggled with is trying not to come on too strong, while also trying to keep a guy interested long enough to go on a date. There have been countless days and nights when I go back-and-forth wondering if it was me or them. But, as harsh as it sounds, I think I put the blame more on them than I do on myself. Every guy might be different, but as for the way they treat other people in dating and getting to know someone, they are all the same. 

Maybe it’s just Gen Z, and we all don’t know how to act. Or, no one has the patience to get to know someone. Both are valid points. But there has to be a time when we take a step back and question how someone would want to be treated, because the games that we all get roped into playing begin to become dragged out and repeated. 

And I don’t want this to sound as though it’s “just a guy thing” because no matter how you identify, in all aspects, people in the dating world are all the same in my experience. So, who do we put the blame on if it isn’t on ourselves? Well, I think the biggest actors in a world of  single people are apps like Tinder, Bumble, Hinge or even Grindr, because behind our screens, we don’t look at people as people. They’re just another pawn in our dating games. 

I don’t want to say that dating apps are silly and shouldn’t be used, because they can help people find what they are looking for. But when we’re young, a lot of the time people don’t want to be tied down to just one person. They want to experience being single and testing the waters with other people. When people get older and past the games, dating apps can be a great resource for finding someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.

But now, taking a step back and looking through all of the games, I think that dating apps are overhyped and painful to use. Because they separate us from getting to know and trusting a person in real time. These little “things” on our phones don’t allow us to see what someone is thinking in real time or give us a read on that “spark” people are always talking about. All I know is that if you come on too strong or spend too much time trying not to be yourself on dating apps, it isn’t about you, it’s about them not being the right person for you. 

I think it’s time that I take myself off the dating apps and leave it up to fate. I don’t want to be a card shark anymore. I want to lay my cards on the table and walk away.