As of writing this, we are over three weeks into the year of our Lord, 2025, and honestly, nothing has really changed since covid-19. We’ve just been kind of coasting since then. Yet, every year we make a big deal over New Year’s. It’s like a birthday for everybody at once, so we’re all simultaneously reminded of the inevitability of death. We reflect on everything we’ve done, feel sad that it wasn’t enough, then overpromise on goals we’ll never accomplish in the coming year.

But if we have to wait for an entire new calendar year to make certain changes, clearly we don’t want to. So, let’s fix New Year’s resolutions. Firstly, never do anything you don’t want to do if you have a choice. That’s just stupid. That’s like doing an optional reading for class! What, do you just want … to learn? Obviously, everyone should eat healthily, but you shouldn’t need the date to end in a new number to start doing that. A New Year’s resolution should be more meaningful. Start complimenting yourself every day, do random acts of kindness or get back into a hobby you used to love.

A resolution shouldn’t be something you’re forcing yourself to do. If it’s going to make you unhappy, why are we starting it Jan. 1? You have the entire year to be unhappy, and we decide to start annoying ourselves as the clock strikes midnight? Stick to something more joyful, and move the dumb stuff to, like, June 1.

Now, I would like to propose a new holiday: “Okay, But For Real Day.” On Feb. 1, we start a legitimate, meaningful resolution, but for real this time. January doesn’t really count. We’re supposed to stay sober after seeing our families and throughout the inauguration of President Musk? First of all, unrealistic resolution. Secondly, terrible timing. February is good though; it’s short, and there’s only one mid-tier holiday. Stick to one resolution that whole month, then on March 1, you can celebrate “Now For a Ten Month Break Day” to reward yourself.