One of the most frequent backhanded compliments I receive is “Oh! I never realized you were smart” which is usually paired with the equally disheartening, “Wow, you speak so well, I had no idea”.
For a while in my life, when people said things like this to me, I would take it as a compliment. I truly and sincerely believe that people who say things like that to me do mean them in positive ways, and have no idea how deep they are cutting me, or how what they’re saying is steeped in misogyny and homophobia.
Eventually I started to realize that when people – usually strangers or new acquaintances from a class or a club – were saying things like this to me, it didn’t sit right with me after the conversation had ended. Finally, after it happened again, I asked someone what exactly they meant by it. After the ensuing conversation, I finally understood. Apparently, people assume I’m dumb because of two majors factors: the way I speak and the things I am interested in.
After doing some reflection on what that meant, I realized that the way people interpret me and interact with me is often skewed, as people are often extremely quick to jump to assumptions.
I am fully aware that some of my interests may not be considered “highbrow.” I definitely have a favorite “Real Housewives” city (it’s New York, if you were wondering) and I regularly keep up with the Kardashians. My favorite movie is a romantic comedy, and I am an ardent Twitter and Instagram user. I’m passionate about fashion and you will find me glued to my TV on Thursday nights to watch “RuPaul’s Drag Race.” While these things might not be perceived as the crème de la crème, they are important to me.
It can be surmised that the majority of my pop culture interests are geared towards women and gay men. The assumption that I am dumb because I enjoy these “basic” or “girly” things is both wildly offensive and also not true. I can enjoy watching “The Bachelor” while simultaneously writing a paper for my senior capstone on “how radical feminist lesbian activist movements split away from both gay and women’s liberation groups.” Those two aspects of myself are not in opposition. Rather, they are both essential to the making of who I am as a person.
My voice is what people often focus on when making snap judgements about me. I am aware that I overuse the word “like” and that I do, quite often, slip into a vocal fry that would make me sound at home in Calabasas with Kim and her sisters. However, to judge someone (women and effeminate men especially) solely by the way that they express themselves is ignorant at best. Trafficking in stereotypes is never conducive to an equal society, and certainly does not have a place at any university where people go to develop better understanding of themselves and their intellectual capacity.
I am more than the pop culture I indulge in and the way I speak. And while some might try to make me out to be the “dumb blonde” trope, the misguided notions about what women and gay men can or can’t do or enjoy that dominate our culture certainly don’t constrain me.
